There is a temptation - To live in denial that such a cycle might exist.
- Or that it only exists in others.
- Or that we can live above it by our great will power.
- Or follow the way of religion, which puts a shiny veneer over it (and pretends everything is okay).
- Or resign to living for the good times and medicating the bad ones.
The only path to freedom is the way of Jesus, and that can
actually be the hardest path...
Just to encounter Jesus gives hope that we can be free. And interestingly, freedom can become our
possession in ways we least expect.
Jeff was a guy who worked hard, never got in anybody's
business, and loved to have a good time.
But Jeff had a dark side..., something very few people saw. He struggled with depression and with
alcohol. And because of those struggles
most of his relationships were doomed to fail from the start.
One day the lights came on.
Jeff knew that this stuff about Jesus was more than words and a crutch
for weak people. He felt something
change. His outlook changed. The desire to escape lessened. New friendships developed. He started talking to God, being honest, and
trying to follow Jesus.
But Jeff had a persistent nagging thought - am I really
changed?
When a big disappointment hit, the old feelings came rushing
back in. How could he be changed when he
felt the same junk he'd felt before??
But after a couple bouts with depression, he ran into an old
friend who talked to him about this different way of following Jesus. Hmmmm. He said it was normal to have those
feelings. But that didn't mean Jesus was
any less present or any less powerful.
It was like blinders came off.
Just knowing Jesus was close..., and that old feelings
didn't mean he was destined to jump back into old patterns..., it was like a
shaft of light had broken into his soul.
What Jeff learned was the first encounter with Jesus wasn't
the end but just the beginning. And he
desperately needed daily encounters with Jesus.
Sometimes it came when praying or reading the Bible. Sometimes in
worship services with other followers of Jesus. Sometimes while driving. Sometimes listening to worship music.
Sometimes right before he went to sleep an overwhelming sense of well being
swept over him.
But some encounters with Jesus were not accompanied by
feelings of happiness. Some experiences
were like standing on a lonely road, seeing dim headlights in the distance, or
not seeing anything. It was learning to
reach out and believe in the dark times.
It was in those darkest times that Jeff began to know he was
getting free from the old cycles. He
learned "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will
fear no evil, for You are with me..."
In the dark times the old feelings seemed to have their
greatest power. And he felt
weakest. But his faith was growing
stronger than ever.
Jeff still had struggles but the cycle wasn't the same. The old feelings had lost their
familiarity. He was walking with other
guys and encouraging them just like his old friend had walked with him.
He had gradually changed and didn't even
recognize it.
It seems this is also the way of Jesus.
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the
conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very
thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with
glory just around the corner. 1 Peter
4:12-13 Message Version
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