2 halves of the pearl

"You are like 2 halves of the pearl. Who you are together is much better than who you are apart. And only when you come together will you have the wisdom you need..."

Someone shared those words with June and me early in marriage and they have proven to be true in every season.

They rang in my ears through the years, confirmed in every season. Sometimes like a bell calling for my attention. Other times like a safe harbor in the storm. When resisted or ignored, like a firecracker going off -- ringing, annoying and painful.

(from Wikipedia) "the word pearl has become a metaphor for something very rare, fine, admirable, and valuable."

In every decision we both have necessary perspective. Without her I'm shortsighted. I'm too slow to act. I can be focused on immediate impact or ramifications versus long-term benefit. She is just what I need, even if it takes me a while to figure it out...

We were wrestling with what to do with one of our sons. You know the arguments you have re: your kids where you take sides, one tends to be more lenient, the other strict. BTW, we can flip roles quickly depending on the kid... What's up with that?

Anyway, praying together about it and talking some more we came to a great conclusion. We both had elements of the truth (2 halves of the pearl). We had to go forward together in a unified way. Once that was decided everything worked out.

Funny how kids sense division and can play off parents against each other. They know just who to text depending on the answer they want. We've learned over the years to defend and stand with each other and not play the game. Initially it can bring conflict (to your kids) but in the end it brings peace. They may test it with every trick in the book. But their hearts will ultimately be settled when mom and dad are unified.

So many things will test and threaten unity in marriage. But the testing is what makes the pearl beautiful and costly.

Think about the metaphor

(from Wikipedia) Pearls are formed inside the shell of certain mollusks as a defense mechanism against a potentially threatening irritant such as a parasite inside its shell, or an attack from outside, injuring the mantle tissue.

In your marriage you can reframe your differences and irritants. Allow the tests to bring you together. Recognize you only have 1/2 of what you need. You are better together!

Tribute to Cal

Someone asked the boy "So what struck you most about Cal? What are you going to remember?" The boy replied "He didn't serve when it was convenient."

Wow, what a lesson and life message!

I first met Cal back in the 80's, when he had a full head of red hair (and red beard). He had been radically impacted by the love of God, to the point he couldn't get enough. He enjoyed praying for people, worshipping, serving, seeing God set people free from stuff like fear, addictions and brokenness.

People were coming from all over to the worship services, just to get set free. There were business men and women, the successful but dissatisfied, homeless, married, divorced, single, oppressed, neurotic, medicated, ritual abuse victims, you name it. Whenever Jesus is setting people free, people come out of the woodwork.

And Cal was always right in the middle of it. He would get that excited look as though his eyes were smiling, to see one more person being transformed by God's powerful presence.

Cal served in many areas, mostly alongside his wife Phyllis and sometimes on his own. In later years, he loved to see people get the right resources in the bookstore, asking what they needed, praying for them on the spot or after they left.

Jesus said "the meek will inherit the earth" and that was Cal. In a spiritual sense he possessed all things because he was totally given to serving Jesus. On the contrary, pride and "serving when convenient" means you pursue something you can never fully possess or enjoy.

Funny thing, Cal never lost that passion he had gained in the 80's.

Those who knew him are better for it, and will not forget the faithful and humble warrior who is now in heaven...

The Grass is Greener

"The grass is greener on the other side of the fence..." comes from the idea of looking at a neighbor's lawn and seeing it as better looking, healthier and overall greener then your own when in reality you’re just ignoring anything negative about it and downplaying everything positive about your own. (urbandictionary.com)

One climate and environmental expert explains this picture of the cows -- "The most likely reason the grass is greener is it has more water for some reason." Brilliant!

For marriage this holds true - the grass is greener where you water it!

A friend turned down a job promotion, telling his boss his family was most important and the new job would have him traveling too much. The boss sat in disbelief, muttering that he respected the decision but couldn't quite understand. Then he came back later and said they'd like to give him the position and remove the travel requirements...

Another guy took a promotion that involved moving to another state for a few months, away from his wife. He shared his struggles with addictive behavior and how he'd tanked in the same situation before. Several strongly cautioned against going, but he went ahead. Sure enough, months of recovery and rebuilding were required after returning.

One gal was getting bored (with marriage and motherhood), and about that time was invited by old friends to go "clubbing." What may seem harmless to some, can be a trap to bring destruction. Thankfully, after a few weeks, she ended up responding to some other friends who cared enough to warn her of the potential dangers.

A dangerous temptation is vividly described in Proverbs 5-7.

While I was at the window of my house,
looking through the curtain,
I saw some naive young men,
and one in particular who lacked common sense.
He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman,
strolling down the path by her house.

Proverbs 7:6-8 NLT

Strolling down the wrong path is watering the wrong lawn.

I think this truth applies to anything that would draw a person away from watering their own lawn, not just adultery but even something that may appear good like a promotion or opportunity; or greed, ambition, obsession, addiction, etc.

Rather than spending all our time avoiding the "other side of the fence" we are called to pursue what is good, to actively serve and love.

I'm excited to explore how we can water our own lawns in this series.