Uncertainty

It was 1988, and we just found out “we” were pregnant. We’d been married for 6 years and had a four-year-old son. The timing just didn’t seem ideal…

I was in the middle of a “God, what are you doing in my life?” season. I was agitated, frustrated, filled with self-doubt, afraid of making a wrong decision, feeling pressed from every side. You know, one of those times everything looks okay outwardly but inwardly you feel like you're sinking?

I had been in my job for a few years - counseling, pastoring, training lay people to counsel, learning the ropes in ministry… I was getting acclimated with bizarre as the standard fare.

I was fresh out of seminary where we were taught to “integrate” psychology and theology. I had 3 counselees who were satanic ritual abuse victims, and several others in serious condition. They weren’t much in need of what I had written about integration, but were desperate for some relief and healing.

There was some progress in people’s lives, which was very gratifying, but at the same time I had this nagging sense something wasn’t right. It wasn’t what I was doing that was wrong, it was that God was preparing me for new orders (little did I know).

I learned that God uses the air of uncertainty to draw us into a place of readiness to hear His call. It is amazing how disarray precedes order.

Most of the time it has meant staying put and reordering us internally.

But this time was different...

With the mounting internal struggle, June and I began to pray daily for God to show us His will, "Was I missing something?" I felt like the young eaglet being taught to fly by the mother bringing back thorns to the nest.

So we started the process of exploring other options for a ministry position. Then June got pregnant. If we were to change positions we would lose our insurance and surely God wouldn’t want us to do something that could put us in a place of risk or cost us financially.?

But as we stepped forward everything came together. A new position opened miraculously. We were able to transition rather smoothly.

We got on the “We have no insurance baby plan” - a flat rate of $1,700 at Rose Hospital for prenatal care and birth ($10 a diaper at the hospital not included).

We were freaked out but excited. Everything went surprisingly well and we had a new beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed boy (recessive gene thing).

Our small group leadership team shocked us by collecting a special offering that paid for the birth of our son. Wow. At every turn God provided.

After 3 years we were launched again back into the area of Aurora we had left. Everything that hadn’t made sense about the timing and our struggles now made sense.

Sometimes we’ve navigated uncertainty pretty well. Other times, we’ve done more freaking out… But God has always been faithful. All three of our sons were born in a time of uncertainty, and coincided with great blessing. And every season of uncertainty has brought a strengthening of what matters most.

We don't plan on having any more babies, but we do plan on trusting the Lord with all our heart, not leaning on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledging Him, knowing He WILL direct our paths.

10k pushups challenge

On March 3 my old friend told me he was doing 10k pushups for the month of March. He issued the challenge for me to join him and “hundreds” of other people. I was pretty skeptical, as I sat there trying to figure out in my mind how many pushups a day that came out to. And as I sat there looking at him I had to ask “What kind of pushups are you doing?” He said “I’ll show you on the way back to my apartment…” I couldn’t wait.

He proceeded to tell me about a guy who was almost 70 years old who was taking the challenge. This guy hadn’t done any exercise in almost 30 years but was going to try this. I asked if he was going to feel guilty if anyone died.

When guys get together there can be a lot of friendly banter and trash-talk. Any challenge tends to be directed at your manhood and can easily motivate where "lesser encouragement” can fail.

On the walk back to his apartment, he drops down on the sidewalk and demonstrates with 40, bringing the elbows to 90°. I figure 10k of anything is a whole lot.

Just a few years ago my mom was visiting her Aunt Lela who was 92 yrs old. Lela proudly announced she could do 5 pushups and proceeded to do them. I was provoked when I heard and started trying to do 40 a few times a week.

So I decided to jump in and am trying to finish by the end of March. It is amazing how many push-ups you can do if you space them out with a couple minutes in between sets. And in the back of your mind that you’re a wimp if you can't…

I told my oldest son and he said “What? How many is that a day? Are you seriously going to do that?” I think he was thinking the same thing I was thinking about the 70 yr old.

So he decided to join us in the challenge. He seemed to be motivated that if his dad can do it, surely he can. He asked if I had taken before and after pictures and thought that would be cool. No, I didn’t.

If Aunt Lela can do 5 at 92, and Scott can do 10k at 49, then I can do 10k.

Good times and KU Jayhawks

Growing up in SE Kansas, it was always a highlight to watch the Kansas Jayhawks play. Whenever they were on TV, my dad had that look in his eyes that said “come on, isn’t it awesome to watch KU play?” So I’ve been watching KU blow out Missouri this afternoon and remembering good times J

As a kid I was able to attend two Jayhawk summer basketball camps with a friend. They had several pros in to help with the camp, the biggest name being Jo Jo White. He had been one of the top players at KU and was playing for the Celtics, about to win two NBA championships. As a 12 year old, Jo Jo was bigger than life to me. Other players included Roger Brown, Dave Robisch and Wilt Chamberlain (actually Wilt didn’t make the summer camps).

The majority of our time was spent learning and practicing fundamentals, hard work, discipline and repetition. Not too exciting... But the message was clear - these guys didn’t get to where they were by goofing off. They worked really hard every day. We could be just the same (except for their natural gifts, height, quickness and 3x the vertical leap).

The highlight of the camp (and most nerve-wracking) was the testing of your skills on the last day. Every kid had to be graded on different skills by a pro athlete. And next to your grade was the pro’s autograph. Thankfully they put J0 Jo on the easiest test, dribbling. Everybody wanted a good mark from Jo Jo. After getting an “excellent +++” I was pretty proud, even after figuring out most kids got the same score…

Following Jesus is really a lot more like basketball camp than you might think:

1. We get to follow Jesus and His example, learning and incorporating His “best practices.”
2. An important part of following Jesus is learning the fundamentals, hard work, discipline and repetition.
3. We don’t do this in our own strength, as Jesus (the most exciting person ever) comes alongside us to help us through the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit.
4. We learn from great examples, heroes of the faith and others who may be just a page ahead.
5. Consistent challenge, evaluation, and encouragement happen through God’s Word, being under authority and in healthy relationships.

So as I get ready for March Madness, I’m remembering good times watching the Jayhawks with my dad, and thankful for the very real life and love of Jesus.