When Repair Costs More Than Replacement

"The dryer isn't working and we've got lots of laundry." One of my favorite things to hear...

So I got out the manual and started reading again. After checking the obvious, there were several possibilities, all of which involved opening up the dryer and meticulous research.

I'm what you would call "electronically challenged" when it comes to the inner workings of an appliance. Typically I read the manual about 14 times, check a few things that don't work and I'm off to Home Depot for a tool I don't have. In this case my voltmeter was busted and I needed another one.

Side note: I had already called the manufacturer, a local appliance repair, compared prices and had a guy scheduled to come out for $129 (service call, labor included, parts extra).

You know you're in bad shape when the guy at Home Depot's parting words are "You do know to unplug the appliance before you start testing stuff.? I don't want to see on the 10:00 news, some guy, whatever your name is, was electrocuted tonight working on his dryer..."

"Uh, no sir, don't worry. I know to unplug it cause I read the manual 13 times already. Are you really that concerned about me?"

So after getting home (unplugging the dryer) and checking the various possibilities I still couldn't figure it out.

I got a local appliance repair guy on the phone and walked through several typical things to check with the voltmeter but nothing... Finally I narrowed it down to a $208 part.

So I could have the guy come out and pay a minimum of $350 for the service call and parts, or go buy a brand new dryer for $350. Hmmmmm

Life lessons from appliance repair include:

The greater the technology, the less chance you have of fixing it yourself

More technological options = more things that can go wrong

New appliances are made to work until right after the warranty expires

There are some things that bailing wire and duct tape can't fix

Replacement can be cheaper than repair, and that is totally counterintuitive

And the biggest lesson in this (and other areas of my life), I can't fix everything

I went and got the $350 dryer with no heat sensor. I can't imagine running the dryer and depending on setting the accurate time so our clothes don't catch on fire, but somehow we'll get by like we used to. And I won't ever have to replace anything connected with a heat sensor.

Intentions versus Actions

Last week we looked at “live in an understanding way” with our spouses (1 Peter 3:9). Here are some further thoughts…

Check out these negative examples:

“You don’t care about anyone except for yourself.” “You’ll never change.” “I know you’re only trying to get back at me.” “You don’t even want to understand.” “You care more about work (shopping, sports, friends, hobbies, etc.) than you do about your family.” “You’re lazy and selfish.” “You’re so stupid.” “All you ever do is think about…”

Once you start judging the motives behind your spouse’s actions it can only produce a defensive reaction.

The couple was “discussing” some of their struggles over lunch with a friend/counselor. It was at Macaroni Grill, where they have paper tablecloths (and crayons).

Their friend drew the picture (something like this) – wife and husband on 2 sides with 2 lines on each side, “you can only see your spouse’s actions, never their intentions. If you want to work on your communication, you’ve got to learn to ask for clarification of intentions behind those actions. Stop blaming. Stop jumping to conclusions. When you get upset at him working late, instead of saying ‘you don’t care about me or the kids,’ say something like ‘when you work late I feel like we’re missing out on connecting with you and it is very hurtful.’”

Point out the action (working late) and how it makes you feel (missing out and hurtful) versus judging the intention (you don’t care…).

Over the years we’ve learned in situations of conflict to hit pause and ask for clarification of intentions, avoiding the trap of blaming and attacking. It isn’t always easy, but opens the door to understanding.

Most married couples actually have good intentions and want to please their spouse. Think about it. Your spouse really does want to make you happy, can’t you see it in their eyes?

When conflict hits and you slip into judging intentions you’re not giving your partner a way to respond. The walls get built one brick at a time, and before long hearts are walled off from each other. If you can’t see that love, then seek out some help with someone who can coach you through these elements of communication.

We can start over by asking forgiveness and taking the time to be honest without assigning blame. And when your spouse gets up the courage to be honest, try to reflect back what you hear them saying and clarify your intentions without defending yourself. I’ve found that “I’m sorry for how that has been affecting you” (without defending) along with effort to change my actions is much better than “Well, you’re missing the boat and these are all the reasons why…”

2 halves of the pearl

"You are like 2 halves of the pearl. Who you are together is much better than who you are apart. And only when you come together will you have the wisdom you need..."

Someone shared those words with June and me early in marriage and they have proven to be true in every season.

They rang in my ears through the years, confirmed in every season. Sometimes like a bell calling for my attention. Other times like a safe harbor in the storm. When resisted or ignored, like a firecracker going off -- ringing, annoying and painful.

(from Wikipedia) "the word pearl has become a metaphor for something very rare, fine, admirable, and valuable."

In every decision we both have necessary perspective. Without her I'm shortsighted. I'm too slow to act. I can be focused on immediate impact or ramifications versus long-term benefit. She is just what I need, even if it takes me a while to figure it out...

We were wrestling with what to do with one of our sons. You know the arguments you have re: your kids where you take sides, one tends to be more lenient, the other strict. BTW, we can flip roles quickly depending on the kid... What's up with that?

Anyway, praying together about it and talking some more we came to a great conclusion. We both had elements of the truth (2 halves of the pearl). We had to go forward together in a unified way. Once that was decided everything worked out.

Funny how kids sense division and can play off parents against each other. They know just who to text depending on the answer they want. We've learned over the years to defend and stand with each other and not play the game. Initially it can bring conflict (to your kids) but in the end it brings peace. They may test it with every trick in the book. But their hearts will ultimately be settled when mom and dad are unified.

So many things will test and threaten unity in marriage. But the testing is what makes the pearl beautiful and costly.

Think about the metaphor

(from Wikipedia) Pearls are formed inside the shell of certain mollusks as a defense mechanism against a potentially threatening irritant such as a parasite inside its shell, or an attack from outside, injuring the mantle tissue.

In your marriage you can reframe your differences and irritants. Allow the tests to bring you together. Recognize you only have 1/2 of what you need. You are better together!